I Have Seen – plans and ideas for further arrangement

Overture

1. I have seen the dawn of the universe,
   (while) standing, bold and proud.
   The game to end all games they laughed,
   then wrapped it in a bitter shroud.
   While the horsemen of the Apocalypse,
   rode swiftly o'er the crowd,
   and you'll likely feel I'm a foolish man
   to tell this tale out loud.

We have to consider whether or not to have the drumming part at all. Unless we use "ethnic" percussion, this part doesn't have a proper function, when played by a drum kit. It was supposed to illustrate human life that came to Earth. First, there was the sea, … birds, etc. and when life came to the shore, and then the humans, they knocked and banged on things for signals and pleasure.

If it can be "pulled off", there could be one "tribe" playing "in a valley" to the left, another one to the right, and a third one far off in the middle of the stereo picture.

If I can't write and arrange this passage, it needs to be composed/arranged and performed by at least one competent percussionist, and this would cost money.

If we decide not to use the part at all, you can imagine what it would sound like by just pressing the fast forward button to the start of the synth-pad sound and the acoustic guitar.

Neville: "My original concept was that there would be the musical version of space (which you captured so well) then added into it a representation of the beginning of life. My original concept was an actual heartbeat starting very softly and gradually getting louder and louder coming through the music until it became the overriding force that developed into a single drum that went into full multi-drum solo that emphasized along with the sounds of other life (birds sea etc.) the excitement and growth of life. Then calming back to the simple heartbeat and your beautiful guitar music over which the words of "I HAVE SEEN THE DAWN OF THE UNIVERSE"
I actually thought you came very close to my original concept. Although my concept was with an actual drummer with some percussion rather than a drum kit."

I consider adding much more guitar into the whole piece, if and where it is possible and appropriate. [ Write out all chords for guitar use ]

Neville: "I LOVE YOUR IDEA OF ADDING MUCH MORE GUITAR INTO THE WHOLE PIECE!"

2. I've seen the eyes of a soul in pain,
   distraught by the wrath of fools;
   entrapped by aesthetic promises;
   laced with the stings of the cruel,
   wondering why he left his home
   to taste their bitter gruel.
   Hoping that someday, somehow,
   he'd overcome the tyrants' deadly rule.

Consider repeating at the end of the verse: "Hoping that someday, somehow, he'd overcome the tyrants' deadly rule".

Neville: "This is a great idea!"

[ Listen to the demo, to get the drums from here. ]

Arrange/compose the transition back to the initial key of verse 2. Maybe use the theme: "Hoping that someday, somehow".

Neville: "This is another great idea!"

3. I've seen the glow of a bright new star
   reflect in a stagnant pool;
   dimmed by the mindless bigotry
   expressed in the words of a fool.
   Determined more to shine in spite
   of all who'd stem its fuel.
   Knowing that through trust and love
   could come to shine, a better world renewed.

Same music as verse 2.
The challenge here is the transition and modulation from the key tonality at the end of the verse and back into the key at the start of the verse. [ Add the drums from verse 2 ]

Extend the transition to the "pyramid-verse". Maybe add the music and melody "Hoping that someday, somehow, he'd overcome the tyrants' deadly rule" (instrumental).

Neville: "This is another great idea!"

4. I've seen the building of the pyramids,
   to hide the treasure rare.
   Entombment of the living flesh
   to serve the pharaoh's lair.
   Visitations in the night,
   creating a great despair.
   A million violations of a caring being
   and no one seemed to care,
   and no one seemed to care.

Extend the passage "and no one seemed to care" with several voices and instruments.

Extend the verse's exit and transition by introducing the flute theme from the intro to verse 5 already here. This theme could serve as a hopeful element while no one seemed to care. Lead the voicing through several instruments.

Neville: "Yes I see and agree!"

New idea: "and no one, no one, no one cared" (sung in double-time under "and no one seemed to care".)

5. I've seen a knight scale battlements
   no mortal man could climb,
   to rescue from that cruel black prince,
   a princess pure and kind;
   and seen him smote an evil spell,
   that through their hearts had been entwined.
   To live to share an honoured life
   in which themselves they'd find.

[ Tidy up in the string arrangement and voices. Tidy up in the brass (7+() trumpet+brass (6)9–10. Fat Fifth ]
[ Check the string voices in low speed for mistakes: Bar 286/287, does the bass/synthbass have too many tones? Check verse 13! ]

Extend the transition to the "sea-verse". (Could a kind of canon be possible?) It shall lead to and melt together with the "sea-theme".

Neville: "Very exciting idea!"

6. I've seen conquistadors embark
   to conquer unknown lands.
   I've seen them sell their souls for gold
   abandoning all pious stands,
   defenceless in their faithless faith.
   Retribution now demands
   that all be made to pay a price
   for wasted hope and bloodstained hands.

Same music as verse 7/8 ("the sea"), but I'm not sure if we shall use this verse, or if it is supposed to have these words.

Partly, the rhythm / meter of the words / syllables doesn't feel as "musical" as many of the other verses.

It seems to me that this verse was written to the melody of the "sea-verses". In addition, the word "embark" suggests the sea related theme. I think music-wise that two "sea-verses" are quiet enough. When adding a third one, I'd have to rearrange these three verses in order to put in some kind of a climax. Boredom is defined as something going on in the same way for too long, and that we can't have. [ On the other hand, I should not be afraid of repetition. ]

If we were to use this verse with the music of verse 5 (a knight scale battlements), you would have to change some of the words/line length (line 4, 6 and 8).

Neville: "I recall, I wrote this then made it fit the "sea verse" only because I loved those verses and wanted more! However, if you are going to extent the guitar in that part then you may be right that it would be best to change it back to fit with verse 5 and maybe put it as verse 5 and make what is 5 now 6? (I will change this to fit "A KNIGHT SCALE BATTLEMENTS")"

[ Verse 6 could also work just fine after what is now verse 12: I've seen a mighty river flood ]

7. I've seen the hurricane awake
   on a golden balmy day;
   to punish all but the stoutest barks
   who deep within its jaws did stray,
   with black green walls of sea and spume
   like devil's armies on display.
   But there were always fearless men
   who would never yield to dark dismay.

8. I've seen the tempest's anger pound,
   upon a hull of oak.
   I've heard its timbers creek and moan,
   as the violent sea inflicts its stroke.
   And many ships have failed to see
   the welcome dawn unfold its cloak.
   They only live as legends now,
   but of them a thousand tales are spoke.

[ Keep verses 7, 8 and 9 as they are in the 2nd demo, but consider letting the Soundtrack be played by the Grand Piano ]

9. I've seen a thousand armies bold
   a marching off to war:
   Byzantine, Persian, Mongol hordes.
   And each one felt he knew the score,
   but all who won and all who lost,
   are marching bold no more.
   And silence stalks the battlefields,
   wondering what it all was for.

This verse shall not be repeated with new text.

Break.

Then come a transition to a "Pink Floydish" type of quiet instrumental part with - among others - electric guitar lots of reverb, echo… Maybe use the "wooden-legs-sound" ("the stalking silence") as a kind of pulse that changes over time. The tempo of this part should be "half-time" in relation to the pulse. [ "funeral march" ]

Neville: "Great idea!!!!!!!"

[ We shouldn't be afraid of complete silence either. It would give the listener a breather and let him rest his ears. ]

10. I saw a young boy lose his dog
    and fight to hide his tears.
    I saw him search and search the land,
    till darkness swamped his fears.
    With blooded feet he walked the land,
    his purpose strong and clear:
    to find a friend, who for him
    was something more than dear,
    was more than dear.

[ Is there a point to add acoustic steel string guitar in this verse? ]
[ The surplus verse could be added here ]

I've watched a young girl shed the bonds of a repressive company,
[and overcome ] overcoming fierce reproach
to her unquestioned right to be.
But there still lurks the wrath
of those who sight a pious blasphemy
when faced with loss of specious powers,
and the fear of spirits being free.
[or: and fear that spirits could be free ]

[ Use the same transition as before? ]

11. I saw a gentle man shot down,
    that made me feel unreal.
    I cried for those whose pain is such
    that they no more can feel.
    In times of hate I searched for love,
    in famine searched for meal.
    And even though he died with naught,
    I saw a man refuse to steal.

Consider using a Hammond-organ instead of the synthesizer-sound. Then it might be necessary to give the verse a somewhat rougher comp. [ ? ]

Neville: "I leave this to your judgment as I can't quite envision it."

12. I saw a might river flood;
    I watched it taunt the morning dew.
    Upon a golden throne I sat,
    holding orb and scepter too.
    I've given knighthoods, taken heads,
    and watched as discontentment grew.
    I faced the pain at Agincourt,
    when stronger men they all but flew.

Rearrange the climax in order to make it more dramatic. Add in a guitar-run. Maybe use part two of the climax in verse 2 ("I've seen the eyes of a soul in pain").
[ Maybe add drums and cymbals ]
I wonder if it were appropriate for the composition to add a new verse here…

Neville: "I'll give this some thought and see what I can come up with and then you can use it or not as seems right in the final analysis."

[ Verse 6 could work: "I've seen conquistadors embark…" ]

13. I've seen an empire built and lost,
    while most men sat and wondered why.
    Not one man stood to boldly ask,
    why empires strongly built must die.
    But it was clear when screams of terror,
    filled the crimson sky,
    that having more but serving less
    brings mighty kings to cry,
    yes, having more but serving less
    brings mighty kings to cry.

Repeat at the end of the verse: "yes, having more but serving less brings mighty kings to cry".

Neville: "Yes!"

[ Clean up the strings arrangement and voicings, and check the pitch. Isn't the synthbass in octaves all the way? Check the pitch of the brass in bar 27/28, and whether the first 30 bars shall be in octaves. ]
[ Find out how this verse could be adjusted instrumentally to a sound which is a blend between verses 12+13. Maybe use a string arrangement? How about using the grand piano instead of the brass? ]
[ The transition could be twice its length for a possible solo. ]

14. I've seen false prophets take their toll
    on men who seemed so strong.
    Misled by leaders' frantic cries,
    fanatically being wrong.
    But there are those who won't accept
    that fatalistic throng;
    who won't succumb to fixed ideas,
    as puppets fed a battle song.

Music: A blend of verse 5 ("I've seen a knight scale battlements") and verse 13 ("I've seen an empire built and lost"). [ Compare the notes of these two verses ]

The melody to ("as puppets fed a battle song") could go downwards, like this: g, c, g, f#, d, f, eb, c.

Neville: "Sounds interesting. Could work!"

[ Another option is to switch verse 14 and 13. Now verse 14: Unison vocals, verse 13 in harmony as before. ] [ Piano => strings, bass also becomes synth-bass brass? ] [ Use the same transition as before. ]

15. I've seen the books of wisdom burned
    by men who claimed to know
    what minds should see,
    what minds should read,
    what seeds a man should sow.
    I've yearned for knowledge as for love.
    'T was always such a blow
    to feel suppression's mindless bonds,
    while wanting so to fully grow.

This verse shall not be repeated with more text.

Neville: "Right!"

New idea of mine: I would like to write something, which is more "real" tango, than the hint of tango in this verse, with fast runs in other instruments under the slow flute melody.

16. I've seen once more the mushroom clouds
    that sent a shiver through my spine,
    and breathed for those who breathed the dust
    that permeated such a crime;
    and screamed for those who could not scream,
    through throats that burned like lime;
    and wept for those who could not weep.
    They never had the time.

This verse is recited.

The existing transition with thunder, rain, and the birds will not work anymore after we added the new verse (I've seen s city skyline changed).

17. I've seen a city skyline change
    by an evil spawned through mindless hate.
    Twin Towers turned to twisted steel,
    as the song of death played at the gate.
    But many heroes heard that deathly song,
    and ran to cleanse the bloodstained slate.
    Yet no one thought to fail the test,
    and no one thought to wait.

This verse is recited [ over silence ].

I think the line should read "I've seen a city skyline change" - not "changed", because it would relay the firsthand experience you so far have brought across in the other verses. Everybody remembers these dramatic pictures - the actual incidence, and not so much the sight of ground zero after the buildings collapsed.

Neville: "I do not want us to loose the "rain/thunder transition" So my idea is to have verse 17 and 16 transposed [ = exchanged? ] and I agree and will change changed to change!!!!!"

18. I've seen the price of freedom paid,
    by the few who know they must
    defend with constant vigilance.
    Those guardians of a sacred trust.
    And there are times when some must die,
    to keep a people free,
    with willingness to sacrifice
    for precious Lady Liberty,
    for Lady Liberty.

Music: "I've seen a man who dreamed a dream".

Consider whether it is possible and/or appropriate to switch this verse with the next. If so, then the verse "I've seen a man who dreamed a dream" can be played with the church organ as before. Then I could consider and try to give this new verse a new "sound-touch by using a Hammond organ.

[ There is nothing that actually speaks against starting the verses 18+19 with a Hammond organ and then the church organ – except the style of the existing transition. ]

19. I've seen a man who dreamed a dream
    that all mankind could share,
    who taught that truth and love could win,
    where lies and hate had built a snare.
    Then seen him left by those he helped
    who somehow seemed to dare,
    to throw his dreams back in his face,
    and leave him hanging bare,
    and leave him hanging there.

Neville: "I think your suggestion would work. Switching would be fine."

[ Switching verses 19+18 doesn't feel right, considering the topic of them. Verse 18 belongs together with 17, and so do verses 19+20 – at least to me. Reconsider and investigate this further. ]

20. I've seen the hope of a wistful child,
    exuberant with joy,
    and felt the warmth of a love so pure,
    that no man could alloy.
    I saw him drink the morning sun,
    that quadrillion-year-old boy,
    and gazed upon the Milky Way,
    as if it were his favourite toy.

[ It might even be better to use a nylon string guitar in this verse, because of its warmer tone ]
[ Some ambient break will be here like before ]

21. I watched a galaxy unfold
    felt wonder as it grew.
    I've seen the universal hope
    in a newborn's smiling eyes of blue.
    But there are some who'd cloud those eyes
    and visions of the few,
    who dare to look beyond this world
    for other worlds to view.

Verse 21 and 22 must be faster. The drums (at least) and maybe also the bass - must be strengthened.

Neville: "Sounds good."

[ Create a "Police-like" backbeat for the drums, heavy and varying ]

22. I've seen this solar system's mass
    from every point of view,
    from Venus, Pluto, Saturn, Mars
    and even asteroids I knew.
    But Earth impacts and Earth detracts,
    the visions of the few,
    who dare to look beyond this world,
    for other worlds to view.

Verse 21 and 22 must be faster. The drums (at least) and maybe also the bass - must be strengthened.

23. I've seen a wild rose bring to life,
    a wretched desert stark and burned,
    from eons fraught with dust and drought,
    a host of rainbows now returned.
    A place where songs of hope are sung,
    where once survival's voice was spurned.
    The dawning of a brand new world
    where life's true lessons can be learned.

If we decide to have four verses with the same melody towards the end, I have to rearrange these verses in order to give them an intensification/heightening.

This could start by not yet using the piano here, but rather a guitar and double bass.

Neville: "I think this would work excellently!"

[ Write out the chords for guitar use ]

Lyrics to discuss with Neville:
All verses in the poem, except the last four, are very visual or concrete, and can fire one's imagination. I suggest to review these verses, and try to rewrite them in a similar tone and fashion.

I suggest to change the lyrics of this verse, because I consider them with new words to be more visual and realistic. (A rose by itself does not bring a desert to life, but would bloom because of rainfall, which also would explain or imply the "host of rainbows".):
"I've seen a wild rose come to life in a wretched desert stark and burned …"
Then there is the question of 'what are life's true lessons' – in all their potential multitude? Individual lessons, which of course are true for each person by itself, could e.g. be learnt at the "Burning Man festival" in the Black Rock Desert in Nevada. This could also be visualized on a screen with film or pictures, or people will imagine it, if they know about this festival.

24. I've seen enigmas disentwined,
    revealing futures filled with pride.
    The longings of eternal dreams,
    awakening a worldly maligned.
    A hope for all mankind to share,
    his better nature now defined.
    A bigger, better game for sure,
    immortal travellers so inclined.

This verse could then be accompanied by pizzicato strings (among other instruments), and with counter voicings in between the vocal parts.

Neville: "Yes! Yes! I'm getting excited!!!!!"

25. Be sure, I've glimpsed a bright new day,
    confronting with no compromise
    a vision of a better world, discerned,
    despite the doubting of "the wise".
    And though it may be long and hard,
    we will not fantasize.
    We'll keep the will to see it through,
    to hold the line, to break the ties.

Introduce the piano accompaniment first here, in the way it was before (in version 1) under "I've seen a wild rose bring to life".

Neville: "Sounds Good!"

26. Yes, now I've seen the key to life
    unfold before my eager eyes.
    The mysteries of the universe, revealed,
    emblazoned over cloudless skies.
    And all we have to do is want to reach
    and wish to shed the lies.
    To find a better way to live,
    to set the goals, to reach the prize.
    And all we have to do is want to reach
    and wish to shed the lies.
    To find a better way to live
    to set the goals and reach the prize.
    Let's find a better way to live
    let's find a better way to give
    let's set the goals and reach the prize.
    And all we have to do is want to reach
    and wish to shed the lies.
    To find a better way to live
    to set the goals and reach the prize.

Finale.

I might have to tidy up the voicings.

Lyrics to discuss with Neville:
Since there is not one single or universal key to life, but rather many keys to life (a good, rich, exciting, loving, fulfilling one, etc.), how about changing the lyrics to something like: "I'd wish I saw/found my/a key to life unfold … "?

"And all we have to do is want to reach …" – "to reach" does not mean anything to most people and it is not visual. I think this verse has to be rewritten, too.

Surplus verse(s):

I've watched a young girl shed the bonds
of a repressive company,
overcoming fierce reproach
to her unquestioned right to be.
But there still lurks the wrath of those
who sight a pious blasphemy
when faced with loss of specious powers,
and the fear of spirits being free.

Neville: "I really want to have this in the piece, as I think it is a major part of the overall message. Where do you feel it would best fit in?

(It would be good to know which exact version you are working with when I make any specific musical comments, of which I only have a very few not already said. Is there a way to let me have the version you are working with?)"

[ Theme-wise, this verse belongs together with verses 10+11: "I've seen a young boy loose his dog" and "I've seen a gentle man shot down…" ]